Keeping a Band Together: Things to Avoid

[radrook]

Keeping a Band Together: Things to Avoid



     This is based on my personal experience in a rock band. There were five of us, a drummer, lead guitar, rhythm guitar and base, and a fifth wheel who was there supposedly to do guitar counterpoint, and who was the cause of most of the interpersonal turmoil. 


Avoid including a Narcissistic person in the band


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder with a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Those affected often spend much time thinking about achieving power or success, or on their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

   The following description is based on one band-member I knew personally.  He resented any accomplishment of another band member because he felt it diminished . If another member sang lead and he couldn't because his voice was annoying, he felt resentful and resorted to insults. If he wasn't the lead guitar he felt resentful. Even if a player played a song he was unfamiliar with, it ticked him off. If he wasn't the manager he felt it grieved him. Not being the one to drive the car to the gigs ticked him off. It is a character flaw that will grate on the nerves of the other musicians. Sooner or later such a band member either leaves the group voluntarily or else is replaced with someone who can feel comfortable as a contributor. BTW He eventually was dismissed from the group by his own brother who could no longer tolerate the tension.

Avoid  love affair controversies

     Jealousy should be avoided. If a group member breaks up with his girlfriend or boyfriend in the case of a female member, and he or she begins indicating that she wants you to make a move-don't. The band member, her former boyfriend, might still feel emotionally attached, and if you move in, will inevitably perceive you as the probable cause of why they broke up. In fact, that might actually be the case. You show up in the group, she likes you better and they break up. But even if the band-member was the one who broke up the relationship, it's best not to get involved. If you do, you might be seen as consoling her or taking her side. This causes resentment which will interfere with the band member's ability to perform calmly as long as you are there. It might even lead to violence. So best to avoid that particular volatile scenario.  

Keep financial matters clear

     Never keep band members constantly wondering whether they are being financially cheated because payment negotiating is always behind their backs. Always provide an above-board atmosphere where payment agreements are clear-cut and can easily be verified. In fact, it's best to have all members present when these matters are being discussed and settled. Otherwise some members might feel they are being cunningly deprived when they get payed what they rightfully consider a ridiculously small amount of money for a performance effort which is clearly worth much more.   

      After several incidences, where the band member feels cheated, he might just decide it isn't work being part of the band any longer and you might find yourself without a base guitarist, drummer, rhythm guitarist or maybe a talented lead singer. So treat band-members financially as you would have them treat you, with fairness. Being stingy and dishonest can prove very costly.  

[dnic]

All good info radrook. I once played with a drummer who is a very talented drummer indeed. Even if he was a bit on the loud side. But after every gig he would ask me how he did and I would say you were great! But he kept needing more and I'm just thinking here I am the lamest guy in the band but he's needy. In later bands we would just maybe give each other crap for blowing through a break or something like that. But needy band mates get old fast. So do band mates that show up late for rehearsals and then only have an hour before they have to leave.

[radrook]

Dec 23, 2019 20:09:50 GMT -6 dnic said:

All good info radrook. I once played with a drummer who is a very talented drummer indeed. Even if he was a bit on the loud side. But after every gig he would ask me how he did and I would say you were great! But he kept needing more and I'm just thinking here I am the lamest guy in the band but he's needy. In later bands we would just maybe give each other crap for blowing through a break or something like that. But needy band mates get old fast. So do band mates that show up late for rehearsals and then only have an hour before they have to leave.

That's why I admire the Rolling Stones. They lasted a virtual lifetime together. In contrast, the Beatles, who began around the same time they did, were like flash in the pan. 

[Deleted]

The longest I ever stayed with one group was in church. But saying that even there we had problems with people with huge egos.

 At the age of 15 I was hired into a working band. I played with that band until I 18. There were 4 of us. We played all over CA coast line. During the summer we would work as many as 5 gigs in a day. I made good money and each band member got the same amount of money. There were 2 front people. Me and the the young lady who had started the band. We all got a long pretty well.

 We never had the issues of people not showing up on time.

 I also played for a few years in a Christian rock band and a Christian country band . The bands was more a labor of love of music. the drummer in the rock band never showed up on time for anything. There were a lot of times we had to start without him. He would be that late. What broke us up was when we went to the recording studio to make a record and the drummer just could not keep on beat. The studio wanted to use one of there studio drummers (at an added cost). But wound up getting into a huge disagreement with not just the drummer but the guy who had put the band together. We broke up that night.

 I have also had my own band or bands. Depending on how you look at it. I had put a band together that lasted for a long time. At one time I had 12 people in it. Some people would come and some would go. So that is why I said depends on how you look at it. For the most part I had a core of people who stayed on. We were together for about 12 years. For me that was a good run.

   I did let one guy in that didn't last 6 months. He was one that though he was a super star on stage. Demanded me to pay him more than the rest. That never happened. He was always saying he needed gas money or money for food. He even tried to book us in places under his name. He tired hard to take over the band. I had to make him leave the band. He was hard to get along with. He also thought it was up to me to make sure he had strings for his guitar, or to lone him one of my guitars if his was not working or if he forgot his on the way to a gig. There were many times I made him sit out because he would not bring his own rig to a gig. So I had to let him go. But he didn't go easy. He tried to undermined me by going to band members and asking them to go with him to start a band of his own.

 I was surprised that a few did go with him. It didn't last long. But I still was going strong with the people that stayed with me.

But I think it was Clapton that said. If you stay with a band for 6 months, that is 6 month to long! Lot of truth in that.

 For 55+ years that I have been playing, I have played with a lot of great people. And some not so great. You name them I have played with them. A lot of easy going and a lot of not easy going.

 For me I have found that if people know their instruments and have gotten over their egos, things work out pretty good. I don't care if you are a guy or a woman, egos are there in both.

   I lost mine a long time ago. Now I sit back and look at people in a whole other way than I did when I was young in music. Mostly because I know my instrument and I know music for the most part.

I can not only play by ear but know how to read charts. I don't even have to think on how to play chords or to do a lead part in a song. It now come natural or second nature to me. I don't show off or try to make people around me feel intimidated around me. I go out of my way to help and show people how to do play a part.

 But as it is there are thous that think they know it all and you can't teach them anything. To this day I know I don't know it all, and I am always learning for others.

 So, if you are looking at a band as a job, then it takes on a whole other thing. If it is a business like the Stones or Beatles and others. Then it is a business and has to be handled like one. Even they had their short comings. Some of the big bands didn't always have all the original people in them and they had band members that would get hurt feelings over things.

  I have also found that in bands, if you do ever get to have a core of people that get a long it is a rare thing to have happen. I don't care in what setting you are in. I have been so blessed to have had some great people to play with over the years. A lot of great people! more than not so great.

 I miss a lot of them today. Today I don't play out anymore. But I will always have some great memories of the awesome people I have had the chance to play with over all these years.

  One other thing I have learned and seen over and over is... If the leader knows where he or she is going in the music the other people will fallow. But the leader need to know how to lead and not dictate.

EB     

[radrook]

Great info, Eagleblues! Thanks for sharing!