The Official Lie thread...

[quarry]

Just grab the ball and run with it...

OK, I'll start it off:


Steve Vai stole all his licks from me. Really!

[cman471]

and Quarry stole all of those licks from me!!! bwaaahaaahahhhhhhaaaaa!! ;D

[GuitarAttack Forum]

It is my understanding that Chuck Norris actually taught Yngwie Malmsteen how to play arpeggios.

Actually, my big lie is "Honest, honey...this is the last guitar..it is the one I've always wanted...."

John

[shattered]

Q: Why haven't we been able to find Osama Bin Laden?
A: Chuck Norris already did.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, but Chuck never cries.

I could have crazy people-killing skills like Chuck Norris, I just choose not to.

-Mike

[cknowles]

Really honey, those jeans complement your figure perfectly.

[GuitarAttack Forum]

When I was much younger I worked in a guitar shop which catered to bluegrass pickers. It seems like these pickers were always bringing in their guitars -- many of which were "no name" brands -- and, once near the counter, would immediately start bragging about how great they sounded. Quotes like, "It sounds better than any Martin I've ever heard", or "Don't (sic) that play easy?"

My big lie was always, "Man, that sounds incredible...you are so lucky to find a Memphis guitar that sounds that killer." Once a sale was complete, I would continue my compliments until the next sap...er, customer...came in.

Beware of compliments from employees in music stores. They are normally preludes to a sales pitch.

John

[shattered]

May 1, 2008 9:09:02 GMT -6 GuitarAttack Forum said:

My big lie was always, "Man, that sounds incredible...you are so lucky to find a Memphis guitar that sounds that killer."

I thought you looked familiar! ;D

I've modded my Memphis so many times, it's not really a Memphis anymore:

[GuitarAttack Forum]

Wow -- that is not what I was referring to. Pretty cool guitar!


John

[shattered]

Oops! My mistake! I thought you were referring to the Memphis brand!

..and I hijacked the thread to boot!

To bring it back on topic, here's a lie I used that actually worked:

"No, officer, I didn't know my license says I have to wear glasses when I drive."

Long story short, I got rear-ended at a red light after getting off an overnight shift. The cop that checked my license asked if the sunglasses I was wearing were prescription. Being tired (and stupid), I said no. He asked me if I was aware that my license had glasses as a restriction, and the above quote was my reply to him. He then astutely pointed out to me that I was wearing glasses in the picture on my license, and that I could lose my license for 6 months; he was nice enough to let me go with a warning to take the vision test again...which I did the same day...and passed.

[GuitarAttack Forum]

May 6, 2008 7:47:54 GMT -6 shattered said:

Oops! My mistake! I thought you were referring to the Memphis brand!

I was referring to the Memphis brand, but I didn't realize they made electrics like that. Pretty cool! Good lie, too!

John

[shattered]

The plywood body is the only thing left that's original, and I'm hoping to swap that out eventually. It was originally black with HH configuration. I did a refin in the early 90s after replacing the neck - I also added a single coil in the middle, wired it with three on/off switches, and added the Floyd Rose II which is now on my Frankenstrat in the Saga Sagas.
I did another refin about a year ago where I painted it white, dropped in the single coils left over from the Saga kit (along with the pickguard which was substantially cut down), as well as the Saga trem. I had to plug a recess I carved out under the Floyd, in addition to recreating the wood that was removed for the locking nut. I tried wiring it for two volume controls - 250k for the singles and 500 for the double, but they both ended up controlling all 3. If I ever get the time, I'm going to rewire it back to 1vol, 1tone.

Dang it, there I go hijacking again! This is the last time, I promise!

[/hijack]

Let me think of another Ultimate Lie, just to stay on the subject.....

I promise to bring 200,000 jobs to Western New York!
-Hillary Clinton, summer of 2000.

[quarry]

I've got this problem that I was hoping you Guitar Attack folks could advise me on...

I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive.

Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my
wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp.

That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening.
I said "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with".
He agreed.

Saturday night came and I slipped behind my vintage Marshall JMP MKII 50W half stack to get a good view.
I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp.

It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other three.

So, my question is, is this something I can fix myself or do I need to take it to a technician?

[GuitarAttack Forum]

;D

Make sure you find a good tech!

How many of you guys have heard, "Dude...it sounds great out front", or "Don't worry...I'll pay you for the gig Monday when I can cash this check."


John

[dnic]

OK I'll bite, I know this is a very old post quarry,but your joke is a good one. "Help me out with this problem, my wife may be cheating, do you know a good amp tech? Ha

A lie for you. Same as my post in the guitar centered thread.

"They come tuned from the factory" I love that. And yes I am easily amused.