John, I too, was not the easy to get a long with in my early days of playing in a band. Seemed like there was always something going on. Did a lot of tours in cars and busses, and we spent a lot of time together. When one spends that much time together, it stands to reason that there would be some agitation.
In saying that, In one band I was in we had a lot of problems in getting the drummer to show up on time. We had a few gigs where he didn't show until well after we had to be on stage. He would even complain to us that we didn't set up his drums the right way. We would tell him he had no right to go at us! Show up on time!
So, what we started doing was, we would tell him to show up at a gig like an hour before we were supposed to be there. It worked out great, until he found out what we had been doing. LOL! We wound up getting another drummer. But even that drummer was the same way. We wound up disbanding. I moved on to another band.
I have now played with a lot of great musicians. Only a few not so great. But all in all, I have a lot of fond memories of making some awesome music.
I was just talking to my wife about this the other day... How a lot of people tell me I am so lay back in my music. That to look at me, they would never guess I know so much about music... I know how to read music charts, I know how to play by ear, and so on. Music is a big part of my life, and it flows out of me. I can blend in, in most bands, with little effort.
In saying that, I have no ego to feed. I am not in competition with anyone. I know who I am and what I can do. In that, I am super relaxed when playing with others. To the point that now in days I sit back and watch the drama that so many have. I find it funny in how people will get bent over with so much drama over the simplest of things.
I remember one time, a person getting upset over one note that someone did not sing right at a practice. That person made us play the same thing over and over again.
It got to where one of the band members walked out!
Another time was at church. The worship leader expected all of us ( 10 musicians) to know the songs. This one time at practice, We all showed up knowing the songs, except for her. Now, she would not accept excuses from any of us if we said we did not learn the new songs. A lot of us were upset at her because she was making us stand and wait on her to try and learn the songs on the spot. She was wasting our time. Most of us at that time had jobs and were there after work. We are tired, and we had done what she wanted. So, in that, I heard she was having a problem with a few of the cords. She played the keyboard. I know how to play some on the keys. So I was trying to help her figure out the cords. She did not like that at all! She did not like it that I knew more than she did. She thought I was trying to show her up. (ego)
She got so mad at me to the point I had no choice but to leave. I wound up stepping down from that worship team. I told her some time later that she really needed to get a handle on things. To receive help from others and not get offended when some are trying to help. Who knows, you may end up learning something.
I was asked to join another worship team at that same church. There were like 4 teams there at that time. I never did work that lady again.
So, I am lay back to a point. But I have also learned to watch out for people with egos. I not do not offer help unless asked. The other thing I have learned is. If as a group, you are trying to learn a new song. Trust the band members to get there. When even I led a group of people, we would go over a song 3 or 4 times. But the 3rd or 4th time they would have it down. There was no need to beat some up over a note or wrong cord. If needed, I was always willing to work with someone that need some help with the music, later on that night or during the week. I knew a lot of the musicians I was playing with did not have the experience or had not been playing that long. So why beat them up for it?
But, when I first started out, I was one of them that thought," if you can't sing in key or know how to play. Get off the stage" I no longer feel that way. Not all people are going to play or sing like god's gift to the world. I have seen a lot of people that were and are great on stage and can engage people as soon as they walk out on stage, But they were not good at singing or playing. LOL!
But, yes, we all need to be kinder to one another. On all levels of life. Someone asked me the other day. "Would you do it all over again?" Yes I would. Nothing like getting to where you can trust in what you know and be able to play music like breathing.
Like Dane said, If there is no fun in it, then why do it. (or something like that) Take the fun out of anything, and it becomes work. Even with all the people that were hard on others because they were on some ego trip. I would still do it allover again.
I'll stop with this. You all know what I am going through. When I play my guitar, it really helps me. Music does something that no drug or talking can do. There is something in music that has healing in it. I am sad that I have no one to play music with anymore. I don't think I'll even play at a church anymore. But, I will never stop playing music. Never! It is my first love. Music in my DNA. LOL!
EB
